Asparagus Malloredus

This is another recipe of my own invention, not that I have any claims to originality. You will find many variations of this. My friend Zed omits the Cognac and adds some Parma ham. But it is a really delicious and delicate dish, prone to reconcile anybody with asparagus. The alcohol in the Cognac leaves the pan for a better world before it reaches your plate, so it is fit for even the strictest T-totaller.

You can make this in a few minutes time with only a pot of boiling water and a saucepan. Here I prepared it on a week night right next to my stove with only minimal tools.

Asparagus Malloreddus
For 4 as a romantic main course
1 bunch green asparagus
500gr / 2 lbs malloreddus pasta or another short, durum wheat, bronze extruded, dry pasta
1 glass / 0.5 cup heavy cream or mascarpone
1 glass Cognac
1 tbsp butter
100gr Parmesan, if possible freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano

Cut the asparagus right where you draw the line between edible and disposable.

If in doubt, cut then at one third from the bottom.

Fill your largest pot with water, add salt and bring to the boil.

Delicately immerse the asparagus in the boiling water and leave until almost cooked through but not quite, about 4 minutes. If in doubt, undercook. You can always catch up later, but there is no uncooking an overcooked asparagus.

Fish the asparagus out with a sieve...

... and transfer to a cutting board. Cut in 5cm / 2'' segments. Cover the pot again and increase the heat. Do not throw the water out or you'll have to heat up another pot of water, which is bad both for your karma and for your guests who will have a longer wait.

Take out your fanciest pan and melt a tablespoon butter over medium heat. The pan maketh the chef - does it really? If you have only mundane pans, no worry, proceed just the same and transfer the finished pasta to a serving dish or plates.

In they go (my signature shot with the vertical plate above the pan, I guess!).

Sauté in the butter, tossing from time to time.

Add the cream and toss some more.

Meet the malloreddus. The fine people from the Slow Food section at COOP, a Swiss supermarket chain, import this high-quality Sardinian specialty pasta. I like them for their shape that looks like worms or bits of asparagus, they grab a lot of sauce as you eat them and retain much bite. But feel free to prepare this with penne or some other pasta.

Meanwhile, the asparagus cooking water will have reached its boiling point again. drop the malloreddus in the water.

Cook al dente, so that the retain enough bite to withstand the further cooking they will endure in the cream and asparagus.

Transfer the pasta to the pan and increase the heat so as to make the cream boil and reduce.

Toss and combine. Do not add any seasoning (salt or pepper) at this stage, as the parmesan and cognac will add their own powerful contributions.

like champagne, cognac enjoys as much success abroad as it does in France. In the USA, it has become a cultural symbol for people of African descent. Have you ever heard Pass the Courvoisier? A torrid dream of a song for any Drinks & Spirits marketing executive, with the delicate urban poetry Busta Rhymes has gotten us used to:

Pass the Courvoisier
Give me the Henny, you can give me the Cris
You can pass me the Remi, but the pass the Courvoisier
Give me the ass, you could give me the dough
You can give me 'dro, but pass the Courvoisier
Give me some money, you can give me some cars
But you can give me the bitch make sure you pass the Courvoisier
Give me some shit, you can give me the cribs
You can give me whaever just pass the Courvoisier

If you have an eye for showmanship, you might try to flambé the dish as you bring it to the table. But whatever you do, be sure to let most of the alcohol evaporate, or your dish will taste like an expensive French disinfectant.

Add some parmesan cheese, then serve as you see fit: directly in the pan, or in a serving dish or a small green plate. Really delicious!