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Deep-Fried Cheeseburger

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We have now reached the confines of the Scottish Diet and enter Deep-Frying Hell. Yea who enter here, abandon all hope and come to behold this new wonder - the deep-fried cheeseburger.

The Scottish Diet is an ingenious nutritional system invented by the Scots to keep their pension funds in balance by reducing the number of people who make it beyond the age of 60. like many of the world's smartest inventions (most of them invented by the Scots), it is devilishly simple. It increases the premature death rate through a well-balanced diet:

The Scottish Diet
«Any and all thing you can eat
But this proportion always heed:

  A third from fat
  A third from sugar
  A third from alcohol
From time to time, you can eat a small amount of fruits, in the form of jams or preserves, or even better, distilled

Before we start the holiday season, let us have a glimpse in the next life and see what awaits us gluttoons in the Third Circle of Hell, the place no liver ever returned form.

These two discs of frozen meat contain processed cheese. This is the core of a Scottish deep-fried cheeseburger. The meat has small alveoles so the batter will stick better.

The Scots have given up using buns because of their low nutritional value. Instead, the cheeseburger is dipped into a batter specially designed to soak up as much fat as possible, in accordance with the principles of the Scottish Diet.

A real artisan food, the cheesburger is then dipped by hand into a vat of boiling oil smartly flavored by the ton of fish who ended their life in it.

The burger swims with the fishes for a while.

The deep-fried-cheeseburger-chef who let me witness this takes his patrons' health seriously and actually checked with an electronic temperature probe that the meat's internal temperature was high enough to eat safely.

The cooked cheeseburger makes a last stop in the window with other fine deep-fried specialties, waiting for a client.

Here it is - with the gorgeous fish fat dripping from the burger.

Crispy outside and juicy outside, who cares about slow food once you taste this?

Disclaimer: I love the Scots and they are a great people who certainly do not deserve the food they eat. Scotland produces some of the best fish and game in Europe, alas all for exportation. If you doubt the merits of the Scottish Diet in terms of increasing the premature death rate, please do read "A Challenge to us all: The Scottish Diet (Scottish Office 1993)" by the Surgeon general of Scotland. Straight from the horse's mouth.



  • #1
  • Comment by Joanna
You're right, the Scottish diet is one of extremes - some of the very best food you'll ever eat anywhere (think game, think smoked salmon, think of a large number of really first class restaurants and chefs), and some of the most disgusting stuff you'll ever taste (fried Mars bar, anyone?), plus a long queue outside every chippy (and not just on a Friday) ...GREAT photosJoanna
  • #2
  • Comment by Rodney
Unfortunately these Scottish fried items (especially the candy bars) are all too common over here in America.  In the midwest we have state fairs where 75% of the food seems to be formulated under the concept of "what can we deep fry next."
  • #3
  • Comment by Peter
The tastiest dish you can enjoy in Scotland is Finnan Haddock -- whole fillets of haddock poached carefully in milk and then served with baps (large, rather flaccid bread rolls).  It should eaten at around 5 p.m. -- time of the legendary "high tea" that makes sense given the bracing climate.
  • #4
  • Comment by LELE
  • #5
  • Comment by Sherri
I can't say much because we love Monte Christos. I only make them a few times a year though, and only 2 quarters for each of us 8^)
  • #6
  • Comment by Alvi
You are not only can cook but you also have a good sense of humour, François.. :) well done .
  • #7
  • Comment by Macha
I am surpised that a perfectionist like yourself doesn't mention the additional nutrients derived from the partially melted polystyrene plates. A respectable chef will make sure to dish the food-solution into a truly low-grade plastic tub so that the volatile solvents add a hint of extra-special flavour. To the locals it indicates freshness and no waste on expensive cutlery.
  • #8
  • Comment by Sergio Benitez
Another Scottish classic which could be featured is the Donner Kebab Calzone
  • #9
  • Answered by fx
I know! Please do send me pictures of some of the most original American deep-fried inventions you see and I'll gladly publish them here. Thanks.
  • #10
  • Comment by parshu.narayanan
For kilted bravehearts only. I'd rather stay focused on scotland's greatest export.cheers!
  • #11
  • Comment by cheese-burger.net
Can I reproduce these photos on my burger blog?
  • #12
  • Answered by fx
Yes but please put a link to the article on my blog. Happy Christmas!
  • #13
  • Comment by Angelo
ya' doon't sey...
  • #14
  • Comment by Melissa
I'm from Manitoba where we have a delicious local bread called bannock which was  brought to our region by Scottish settlers at the beginning of the 19th century (Bannock = Gaelic for bread). The favorite way to eat bannock here is to deep fry it in lard and then smother it in butter and jam. It can also be used for pizza crust and is quite good when formed into rolls, fried and used for making hamburgers and the like. We Scots have been using dietary means to shorten life span for quite some time but aye its worth it.
  • #15
  • Answered by fx
Melissa, thanks for the tip on bannock, but would you have a good recipe for it? I'd sure want to try it at home.
  • #16
  • Comment by Dreseeral
I need a lot of info about lemon buttercream recipe. Were can I find more?
  • #17
  • Comment by tytus
My brother used to deep fry everything out of boredom,  including whole hamburgers(bun fixings etc) which was not a success until he chopped the failed deepfried burgers into slices and added them to poutine, deepfried hamburger poutine as the special of the day, it unfortunately was a big success at the ski hill he worked at.
  • #18
  • Answered by fx
Tytus, from what you tell me your brother could be a Scot!
  • #19
  • Comment by don siranni
My only traceable Scottish background involves numerous visits there,and oh yes,a lifetime membership in "Friends of Laphroig". My reason for writing,do you have a grand recipe for "scotch" eggs? Maybe different to my normal method. Mine must be lacking true greatness,as I'm 73 years old. And I've demised many of these beauties.   Don
  • #20
  • Answered by fx
Don thanks for visiting! Scotch eggs are not scottish but were invented by Fortnum and Mason in London in the 18th century. Never saw them in Scotland but I will try to find a good recipe for you.
Yum, this makes me feel hungry! Perhaps I have a death wish.Once you've polished this off you have to finish with a deep-fried Mars bar!
FX, you have a lot to answer for. I made kaesespaetzli last night... there was a little left over... and after we made this, my husband took the remaining *spaetzli* and fried them.  :)My arteries are complaining, but *I* thank you.  :)
  • #23
  • Answered by fx
Pbhj, eat two of these and you won't have to worry about having enough cholesterol for the rest of your life.
Did you actually eat this? If you did, I think that you should be given an award (especially in light of the deep fried Mars Bar) for going above and beyond the call of duty in the name of gastronomy.
  • #25
  • Comment by Christy Lauzon
Are the burger pattys frozen when cooked? Is the batter a cheese batter? Do you have to dip them twice?
  • #26
  • Answered by fx
Aptronym, the things I did for this blog you have no idea! Actually I could not finish the deep-fried cheeseburger, but from the little I ate along with the rest in the shop, I was sick for the better part of the afternoon anyway!
  • #27
  • Answered by fx
Christy, the bruger is frozen when cooked and the batter is the same as for the fish. I don't cook this all that often (!) but only saw the guy dip it in once.
  • #28
  • Comment by Stephanie
Just a question..wondering what the batter is made of and doe you have to use frozen burgers or can you use fresh burger? Also do you freeze them two together with the cheese in the middle? Please help we want to make these just not real sure how
  • FX's answer→ Stephanie, they use frozen burgers because that's what restaurants do. How could they do different? Even Mc Donald's use frozen burgers. I am not sure how you could do this with fresh burgers, though.

  • #30
  • Comment by Stephanie
What is the batter made of?
  • FX's answer→ Stephanie, I'd rather not know what's inside, but generally batter is made of a little flour in milk or water. See my article "I like small fry" for more details.

  • #32
  • Comment by wade
what kind of batter is used for deep fried hamburgers, how long are they in the deep fryer, and do you need to prep. the burgers in any way such as a little grill time?
  • FX's answer→ Wade, I am not sure, but the cheeseburger was frozen and not precooked, you need to test internal temperature with a probe from time to time to verify.

  • #34
  • Comment by Haystacks
Why aren't the British all dead?  I don't understand? Really, I just spent the last half hour reading about "traditional" British food.  How did they colonize the world? I need a nap just from looking at this stuff.
  • FX's answer→ Oh but the British, for all their failings, did bring tea to the Indian and curry to the Japanese and the rest of the world. Sure, they don't eat all that well back home, but a smart and resilient people they are.

  • #36
  • Comment by c black
As a scot might I make another recommendation.

Deep fried jumbo haggis in batter. Not regular a regualr haggis supper the jumbo haggis is an entire haggis usually enough to feed 2 hungry people deep fried in batter. Magnificent.

These snacks also have an interesting side effect. If you eat a deep fried pizza supper you can drink alchohol heavily for the next 24hours and not get drunk. I once at a deep fried pizza supper before tackling a bottle of whisky, crate of beer and bottle of ruma and failed to get slightly drunk!
Hey, I hope you don't mind, but we stole your photo, removed your watermark and added our own watermark so others wouldn't steal it from us. That way we can make money off of your photo! Thanks!
  • #38
  • Comment by robin
Deep fried ice cream..I think the japanese top the scottish in this discipline
  • FX's answer→ Ah yes but we Swiss do deep fried fondue, see on my blog!

  • #40
  • Comment by Beverly Montgomery
Do you have the recipe for the batter for the deep fried burgers

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